Sunday, September 30, 2007

I trust easily!

Your Birthdate: June 15

You take life as it is, and you find happiness in a variety of things.
You tend to be close to family and friends. But it's hard to get into your inner circle.
Making the little things wonderful is important to you, and you probably have an inviting home.
You seek harmony with others, but occasionally you have a very stubborn streak.

Your strength: Your intense optimism

Your weakness: You shy away from exploring your talents

Your power color: Jade

Your power symbol: Flower

Your power month: June

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Alas, trial ends.

24th Sept, Monday
English paper. Thanks to the 100% accurate tips. i wrote quite a long essay bout Malaysia, my home. add a lot of nice and interesting points - thanks to Siyan, cause i got lots of inspiration from her blog 'the joy of merdeka'. overall, english paper at least can get a B lah. i mean if the examiner isn't Mr Nedu, i can get more than that. lol. another good news for today is _____ i got an A1 for maths!! woohooo.. 86% man.. unbelievable! but only after that i realize this very-satisfy-math paper is just a trial for trial. lol. stupid lah. i worked so hard for it. by the way, still so happy. haha. our friend, Ming Zu, don't know what had happened to him. he was so depressed. so unconfident. so self-degrade. omg. he thought he was stupid. he thought he had no future. he thought he is an idiot with us. cause, he didn't even give himself chances.

25th Sept, Tuesday
Math again. this time is the actual paper for trial. lol. i couldn't sleep the night before. keep thinking of those stupid math formula. i'm lke that. stressed. and, the whole night i try my best to console, encourage and give hopes to MZ. cause i know HE'S NOT STUPID! thanks God, he revised those i asked to and he managed to answer the section B of paper 2. actually, hmm... quite proud quite touched cause i helped him out a lil bit. at least he tried. yea, feel happy for him. but, good things never last long. at last i know this so-called stupid quote. he began again la. his 'heng'. he is so super duper no confident, so sad.. every friends wanted to help him out. every friends try to talk to him, encourage him, console him. of course, me too.

....to be continue...... [going out for dinner. lol.]

Sunday, September 23, 2007

I'm sorry. :(



For the very 1st time, i will write my feeling for love in blog. Ignore me for those who know me very very well.

I don't like any of my friends, family, strangers or whoever unhappy, frustrated, being affected by my words or action. Really~ but it's quite unfair to leave it just doing nothing. Khai Wee says so. That's why I finally told him yesterday night. It's quite unfair to waste his time. yea, he's right. Feeling - yes means yes, and no means no. It's hard to say. It cant be manipulated. And, i still haven't find out who i give my feeling to. Kinda sad. But sure it's not him cause i didn't miss him at all. Actually it's very hard for me to tell out everything. i will start to think how he feels after that. i couldn't bear if he is sad or even do nothing well. it had been one year i think. he cares for me, worry for me, thinks for me, one year i think. i'm stupid cause my observation is kinda slow. our friends reminded me so many things. Am i giving him hope?!.. yes and no. I just wanna treat him fairly like no other friends. He treats me more than ordinary friend. Someone says being loved is better than loving someone. it's easier, it's happier. but then i don't really agree. it's really been very very very very unfair. love is interaction between two person. And, love do have right and wrong. and, this time. i'm the one who break his heart. deeply. i'm the wrong one. i'm sorry. i really don't need a bf by the moment. i enjoyed being with friends. a lot of friends. i don't like the feeling of berdua-duaan. i don't like just two of us. and, i don't like when whole bunch of people went out, his emo-feeling when i treat other boys better or accidentally ignoring him. many friends asked why i don't accept his love. okay, i really don't have any reasons to reject him as he treats me really very very good, he's good too. hey, when FEELING don't come, it wont come. i too want to accept him, i too want everyone to be happy. i too one a happy ending. but if i just accept him like that, it will bring a greater impact after that, till that time, his heart not even break, is shatter to pieces. sorry friends, i disappointed u guys. i know u guys hope to see us together.

for him~
i'm sorry i rejected your every dates. i don't know how to face you when just two of us. quite hard for me actually. i'm sorry i only tell you now if u really see this. i keep telling myself - treat him as ordinary friend. treat him like no others. i keep finding topics to chat about that day when we were at canteen. cause i afraid of the silence when just two of us. i keep running away, talk bout other things when u start the topic about us. i know u know this. what gui lian do for u is almost the same as what u do for me although i didn't feel annoyed like u do. i mean the feeling for her to u is same as what yours to me. she changed a lot. u too. mayb me too. i've so used to it of u. your message, your 'dear', your greetings, your 100+, friends putting us together, and other more. that's why i didn't really reject them. but habits will lead to unfair. it's unfair to u. u love me. i don't. i just used to it only. maybe some action of me lead to misunderstanding. i apologize. i know it's late to apologize now. but better than i don't right? i will start to minimize your hurt, your sadness, your sorrowness. everything between us ended faster is better for u n me. the longer, the more painful it will be. i'm not the whole world. there are a lot of friends out there, concern bout u, care bout u, and willing to help u out. forget me. the best way to minimize ur pain. i know we still have a lot of chance to meet. just take it normal. like what we do a year before. this is a better ending. and yea another thing, i know u know it too. i know i'm nobody to remind u this. there's another girl, who treat u, like how u treat me. she does everything for u. she's the one who support u certainly. On your birthday, she afraids i will forget bout your birthday and u might be disapppointed, so she sms-ed me. she reminded me not to forget your birthday. she loves u in the other way. silently, carefully, supportively. don't ignore her. she told everyone she had give up the feeling of love to u. but eventually, she hopes for your praise, your greets, your concerns, your words everytime. i'm a girl too. i know how she feels just that i haven't find who i love. give the necklace and the number to her. being loved is better than loving. lastly, don't cry cause of me, or if u will feel better by crying, go ahead, but not too long. back to normal faster. i still treat u as friend. i still hope to talk, to laugh, to gossip with u like what we do a year before. i hope u do treat me like that. like an ordinary friend. it takes time. time will help u to become normal.

Chen yee, Khai wee, Yee yun... thanks for supporting my decision. u guys give me the courage to say it out. i'm touched. thanks~ hearted u guys!


p/s: no offence of what i wrote. sorry if being offended.





xoxo.

Saturday, September 22, 2007

Bloody Trials.

2 weeks after my 1st blog, cause of the bloody trial exam papers. i didn't sleep more than 48 hours during this two week. Stressed up, bored life, u can just find me in school, tuition centre and home. Other than study and sleep, hmm.. my very enjoying part during these days is EAT. Eat non-stop, eat a lot. From junkies to tomatoes to fruits.. oh yea n mooncakes.. Guess i will add on weight for few kg. lol. btw, it's still not that stugglefor JPS spm trials, cause almost all papers were leak before our exams. lol. and the questions are the same.

11th Sept, Monday
Chemistry paper. My antenas were a bit quite short. I didn't even know such papers will have leakage. And, i hearted chemistry a lot. So the paper is quite okay for me. I'm confident enough to get an A for it. But on friday's paper 3 which i get tips for it, guess what, cause I'm too confident and I've confirmed I lost 17marks for that total 50makrs paper. wth!!

12th Sept, Tuesday
Biology makes me mad. At the previous exams, i studied i get 43%, i didn't study i get 34%. There's no much difference. So i made up my mind to not study this time and use those time for Physics. And, when i got the exam paper, omfg, damn regret. If i studied, i could get an A of it. So bloody easy lah.

13th Sept, Wednesday
Ah, it's my alwiz-get-an-A subject - Bahasa Cina! My essays were always so incredible.. haha! Teacher says my thinking is a bit different from my friends'. I usually wrote touched stories. This time is half-touched story gua. lol. cause the title is not suitable for too touched story. haha. 'zhong xue sheng ya, wo bu yan hui' translate ______ my secondary school life, i will never regret. I wrote bout School Band (sure must write de, de people is fun, the life is fun, the experience is fun, the memories are eminent!!), true friends, lil bit bout study lah. hehe. then i used the so famous quote of Xu Zhi Mo - qiao qiao de wo zou le, zheng ru wo qiao qiao de lai, wo hui yi hui yi xiu, bu dai zou yi pian yun cai! and i didn't know my bff, stupid chua jin wei uses the same quote. lol. luckily he used it at the beginning and we have different chinese teacher. if not, die die edi~

14th Sept, Thursday
Physics, the 1st subject i got tips for it. but it's a bit late when i get that tips so i don't have enough time to read all. Luckily i didn't aimed A of this subject. So, i wasn't so sad after that. hah~

15th Sept, Friday
Paper 3 for Chemistry n Physics. At 1st, we need to understand altogether more than 50 experiments before exams. But since we have very very very very very trustable tips, so we juz need to understand bout 5 experiments. opps.. is memorize those 5. ya know when u hv trustable tips, u'll feel confident and you won't really read the instruction during exam and start to write after get the paper. 1st i thought i'm the only one, but khai wee and jin wei did the same mistakes. haha. so we loses 17% for de experiment part in chemistry paper. lol.

16th & 17th Sept, Saturday & Sunday
Weekends are for to relax and wasting our so precious time and killing our own life. i've lots of plan to study at late evening on friday. i intended to understand everything bout math on saturday and study sejarah form 5 on sunday. guess what?! i wasted sooooooooooo much time on hanging around. Just hanging around although i don't have big house. and, on sunday evening i still havent start my form 5 math. fair. and my friends said for the 1st time they heard math subject need to burn midnight oil. lol. i study math until 4.30 in the morning. and juz forget bout sejarah. lol.

18th Sept, Monday
1st~ HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Wee Chong. i didn't forget it. sorry for not wishing u that day. sorry sorry, exams made me mad. okay okay, math paper. luckily Jul taught me the rest of form 5 syllabus that i haven't covered up. Thanks~ i'm confident in math now. lol.

19th Sept, Tuesday
i stayed at home today cause i dropped add math for spm. and, i've made the wrong decision to stay at home. ah, home is the best place to self-degrade. lol. 2day i plan to study the rest of my form 5 sejarah. same as the weekends, i slept more than anything else. lol. and FORM 5 SEJARAH?!.. duh!!

20th Sept, Wednesday
biology paper 3. bayo bayo~ can pass gua.. i memorized the very-blur-experiments without understand it. Good~ i don't know what i've wrote during exams. hope for pass..80/200 not that hard to score right?!

21th Sept, Thursday
BM~ the 1st PPD trial paper. almost everyone in the school get the wrong tips. we got the JPS paper's tips. Luckily the day before see bee told me not to trust that tips that much. for paper 1, don't know why, everytime for bm and english essays i can't do well during exams. just can't think of any points to write and elaborate. i juz wrote 2 and a half pages for the long essay. my friends they wrote at least 4 pages for that stupid essay. God Bless Me! i just need a B for this paper. plz help me~as for paper 2, lagi teruk!! 6 of that bina ayat, i don't even know one. the tatabahasa part, i don't even know what it ayat songsang. die die, 12marks just fly away like that. the most happy part is the peribahasa and novel part. i wrote a lot. lol.

22th Sept, Friday
Sejarah.. i got more than 5 sets of tips before that. and, i don't know which to trust. so i trusted Sivakumar's tips. and i regretted. i got a tips which was the same as exam's. wholly same. stupid Jul ask me don't trust that. stupid stupid stupid. i aimed A for this subject lah.. now B4 also can't score i think. Gosh!! Hey Jul, u give me the wrong tips ler.. the so-called 2 french kiss forget bout it la k?!.. plz..

23th Sept, Saturday
means today lar.. i.. i.... i..... juz woke up and sit in front of the pc n start writing my journal for the past 2 weeks.. haha.. i plan to shop this weekend. cause i nearly died lack of fresh air.. and for so long i didn't buy any things edi. i wanna shop!!!!~

xoxo.

Friday, September 7, 2007

blog. again.

i blogged before. in msn space, in blogger too. too long time ago. i deleted myspace because it's too public. lol. my ex-blogger i forget my sign-in name and password. duh!!.. okay. i suffered from amnesia. (mr. Gerald says so! lol!) what make me blog again, i don't really know, don't care to know too. haha. at 1st i tend to create this blog after spm trials, but i can't wait until then. impatient me gaga.. gonna change the templates after trials i think.. juz think~

woof~

okay. spm trial started yesterday. my very very very important exam. coz i gonna register for college january intake next year. cheers~ but what get me really mad is i couldn't concentrate in revisions, opps.. is study i think.. juz keep playing, sleeping, hanging around.. oh gosh! someone, HELP!!!.. motivate me please~

yesterday EST paper, i was struggling on paper 1. omfg.. potable water = good drinking water = drinkable water. n i mess it up. i thought potable water and good drinking water are not the same. what so stupid is everything is explained in the given points. and i just used up so much time thinking WHAT THE HELL IS POTABLE WATER!!!.. kinda stupid. n i had no enough time to finish up all and check what i've wrote. stupid stupid stupid.

next week schedule lagi teruk. all three science subject. i tend to drop my bio paper this trial. but hope my parents agree lah. then i have more time to study bloody physics. god bless me. i aimed 4a's only. bt i hope to get 6a's. lol. bless me everyone.

xoxo.